Bad Ass in Warren Ohio

I lived in Warren Ohio for about 14 years before moving in 1994. I lived in three different areas of the city. Being as my wife and I were young and poor (instead of old and poor as we are now) we couldn’t afford much rent so we rented in an older run down neighborhood. My wife found the house we rented, as she knew an elderly woman who lived on the street. As we were moving in my wife pointed out all the ramps up to the front doors up an down the street. The wife said, “With so many wheelchair ramps it will be a quiet street because so many elderly must live here.” I eyed the ramps suspiciously as they seemed very narrow. Turns out my suspicions were justified as those ramps were for choppers as we were in the heart of a biker commune.

Needles to say it was a neighborhood the police didn’t respond to calls for help in. At one loud party “Stairway to Heaven” blasted the neighborhood for 10 hours. If I hear any Led Zeppelin music today I have been known to stomp a stereo to death.

I read a story in the July Warren Tribune that reminded me about that rough neighborhood in Warren that I lived in. I have written my interpretation of the story using my poetic license.




A bad Ass in Warren Ohio



It was July 25,2008 just several days before his birthday. Mr. Bright was stumbling around on his Warren, Ohio front porch on a hot afternoon. He was sipping on a Bud Lite and tugging hard on a bottle of Jack Daniels. Being an inexperienced drunk he was drinking shots of beer and using the JD for a chaser. An off duty Trumbull County Deputy and woman walking by noticed Mr. Smart’s condition and thanks to that busy body invention the cell phone they called the cops. It’s gotten to the point the man of the house can’t get some fresh air and take a snort of booze on his own front porch on a hot day. Yes he was stumbling but folks who know him will tell you he never was much good at walking anyway. The two busy bodies claimed they were concerned because Mr. Bright was playing with a can of charcoal lighter fluid and a gallon of anti-freeze. Well as the man of the family Mr. Bright does the grilling. He’s one of those drunks who tend to get a little hungry when they drink. In his inebriated state he may have mistaken the anti-freeze for BBQ sauce.

When the cops showed up Bright was shirtless and was smacking his belly. Pretty much like all those white-trash drunks on that show Cops. Bright was mumbling something the cops took to mean, “Hey coppers you want a piece of me?” Upon entering the house the police found no food in the refrigerator and trash and empty beer cans and broken furniture everywhere. Mr. Bright’s mother Tamara said, “The place is a mess because my son is a violent drunk and I’m afraid of him.” As Mr. Bright had defecated in his pants the police had his mother change him before they took him into custody. Mr. Bright in a misguided attempt to protect his white-trash mother lawyered up and told the police nothing. Bright’s mother said she had not purchased any booze for her son. That means that some store is selling to minors who aren’t even old enough to walk or talk yet. You see Mr. Bright won’t be two years old until August 3 2008. He and his five year-old sister were taken from mom and are staying with their grandmother.

In a similar story in Denton, Texas a five year-old boy left his day care center and went to a Hooters. Look for a video about both boys called, “Toddlers gone Wild.” You don’t just start a career as a white-trash shirtless drunk on Cops you have to start young and practice.


In a sad follow up from the Sept. 24, 2008 Warren Tribune: WARREN - A woman whose toddler was found in July carrying two bottles of alcohol and a can of lighter fluid gave birth Monday to another child, this one with cocaine withdrawal symptoms, according to Trumbull Children Services.

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