I Moved

Hi I've moved to wordpress.
Come visit.

A Memorable Evening

Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

I was excited to see my favorite news and opinion website Unknown News put my blog as one of their Mystery Links yesterday! It's a site run by two real sweethearts, Helen and Harry Highwater and well worth checking out.

Mrs. and Mr. Elecpencil went to New Castle's Scottish Rite Cathedral Friday evening. We experienced B.E. Taylor's annual Christmas concert tour. See info on B.E. here: B.E. Taylor

B.E. does a great take on some traditional Christmas songs and also has quite a few original Christmas songs. I loved that B E includes local special needs adults who join him singing and dancing on stage. All in all two and a half hours worth of fun yet touching memorable entertainment. Mrs. an Mr. Elecpencil loved it so much we have decided to make it an annual event and that's saying a ton in this household.

While in New Castle we stopped for dinner at Nahlas Middle Eastern Restaurant on Rt.18, which is located in an old Taco Bell. Nahalas owner is a relative of Mary's Restaurant on 131E. Long Ave. in New Castle. I have visited Mary's many times but had not been to Nahlas before. We had hummus with Syrian bread followed by Chicken over rice with onions, peppers and Syrian garlic sauce. This chicken dish is my favorite Chicken dish and was just as great as at Mary's. Nahlas was packed but service, meal and price were all top notch! Two ice teas, hummus and two great dinners for about $20.00 is even in the Elecpencil's budget range!

B E Taylor video: Feel the Love of Christmas

B E Taylor song: I Saw Three Ships

Green Planet Anti-Gift list: 15 gifts no one needs

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” ~ Bernard Manning quotes

Mr. and Mrs. Stinky Racists

The Elepencil really needs to hibernate and not go anywhere but work. I can’t go anywhere without running into morons. I call it being an asshole magnet as I described in an earlier post. Here I was picking up a couple of staple type items in Kmart when I spotted this couple in their early thirties. I should say I smelled them before I actually saw them. When someone stinks that bad I can only describe it as an odor so foul you can actually see stink whiffs coming off them. It’s as if the whiffs were drawn into a comic strip to emphasize the putridity the artist was trying to get across.

It wasn’t that they looked poor but more biker or Grunge Rock grimy. I imagine for about $2.00 I could have cleaned them up. I believe that’s about the going rate to operate a self-wash stall at the car wash. I try to be frugal as I am poor so I wouldn’t spend the extra $2.00 for the dryer and wax spray, as I believe they could air dry.

I looked in their cart to hopefully see if they had bought any soap, deodorant or shampoo but alas no. This Kmart was the one in Niles Ohio so I note it is a Super K. I say that because the Super K’s have groceries. I was thinking if they went back in the produce section they could buy a head of garlic pretty cheap. I was thinking even if they hung a couple of cloves of garlic under their armpits it would be a step in the right direction.

This couple’s offensive odor isn’t even what makes me take keyboard to internet highway. It’s what I heard them say to another couple who was shopping. That was a couple that split up with the men heading in one direction and the women in the other. These were folks of Asian descent in their fifties or sixties with the men in suits and the ladies in dresses. The two men walked past the putrid white couple and were talking in a foreign language. Stink man turned toward them and said, "Yer in Ameriker furiner speakee Amerikeen."

The Asian men glanced at Mr. Stinky but then walked on. I spun to stare at Mr. and MRS. Stinky. They had already walked down the aisle pretty fast and I was sure out of range of me yelling at them. I wanted to chase them down but with my knee that needs replaced I know I can’t speed limp that fast. That and the fact that having two kids to raise makes me worry about my safety more than when I was a single guy.

Anymore you have to consider that the fruitcakes are armed and dangerous. Truth is people who don’t spend money on soap and deodorant probably spend it on guns. I do remember seeing Reynolds Wrap foil in the gross couples cart so I imagine they were going home to make foil hats.

As I was heading to my car I saw the Asian couples putting bags in the trunk of a Lincoln with Ohio plates. They were all talking back and forth in English. English that I note was far better than Mr. Stinky’s "Amerikeen" English. The Asians had one up on Stinker as they were bi-lingual and Stinky wasn’t even singular –lingual.

Sadly, I am reminded that America has a history of racism and it doesn’t appear to be anywhere near ending. On the other hand America also has a history of community organizations and social justice groups who have stood up for equality, and inclusion, even when it wasn't the popular thing to do.

Surprise Surprise:We're all here for a purpose

The Zebra song:Bill Bailey

Satire song about racism:Flight of the Conchords

"Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list." ~ Denis Leary

A Failed System

I am hoping the loan for the auto industry comes through for the workers sake but I am also hoping the auto companies restructure realizing that it's a new day where if you put people, quality and the environment first profits will follow.

The Elecpencil worked in a plant that closed after being owned by half a dozen companies in the 28 years I spent there. Every one of them mismanaged it because they only thought about profits. The auto companies of today reminded me of what I experienced. I wrote the following for the labor newsletter, Impact about my plant closing in 1999.

A Failed System

The barrel plant I worked in has had half a dozen owners in the almost 28 years I worked there. Every time an owner sold us he’d explain how it was no one’s fault the business failed. The first owner, United States Steel decided they could make more quick profit buying an oil company. This decision of short- term gain was no one’s fault; just the way American businesses operate. It was no one’s fault the next owner went bankrupt, he told us. It was just that the government had silly laws that prevented things like price fixing and mail fraud. Since it was hard for our executives to run the business from prison we were sold.

It surely wasn’t anyone’s fault the next owner failed. Ok, maybe he shouldn’t have spent a million dollars for equipment to make a new design barrel without finding out if customers would be interested in such a design. Or, maybe he should have listened to plant engineers who told him said design would never pass government safety tests. It didn’t but I suppose the bad guy once again was the government with its business hurting consumer safety standards.

The next owner said it was no one’s fault the plant was going under. He did admit maybe he should have hired a salesman to sell our product but he was trying to save money. It was no one’s fault he just didn’t realize a business has to have a sales force to get customers.

It was of course, we were told no one’s fault the current owner who was leasing us has now closed the plant. It was no one’s fault just his good fortune he got a great deal leasing us he couldn’t pass up. He used those two years he leased us, to close his other two plants six months each to modernize them. We were used to supply his customers while those plants were not operating. When those plants were retooled, we were no longer needed, so our plant was gutted and closed so we could never be sold to be a competitor to him. He explained it was no one’s fault we were closing, just economic circumstances. There weren’t enough customers for three plants.

Before he bought us we had won numerous container industry awards for making the best barrel in the world, something our workforce was proud of. Customers bought our barrels because they were not always the best price, but the best quality. Those customers all deserted us when our last employer leased us. They would not do business with him because he was known for putting out a cheap inferior product. So in the end we lost our customers, no one’s fault again we were told.

How odd that with all these businesses going under it was no one’s fault they failed. For one of these owners to admit fault would mean failure, a taboo subject for entrepreneurs. The government has all kind of protections like bankruptcy laws to come to the aid of inept businessmen to keep them from feeling like failures. The government has few safety nets for unemployed workers. If you’re jobless in America you’re made to feel like a failure.

The workers were the one constant in all these businesses going under, were we the real fault of the failures? I believe not, because with each new owner workers maintained the sweat, the insight, the skill and the hope things would turn around. On top of that with each new owner came a concessionary contract, in the end all the efforts and give backs in the world won’t make up for bad management. We workers did not fail; six employers failed. Our fifty employees are now unemployed while our former employers are off mismanaging new endeavors and so it is across America.

Labor is not failing; the truth is the capitalist system with its profit before people mentality is failing. It is a system based upon unrestrained short-term greed in which society bears all the long- term costs. In the end it is a system that will be punished not only for its sins but also by its sins.

Michael Moore is right on; The truth

The Wall St. Shuffle:10Cc

Capitalism funk song:Hart House

“The cure for capitalism's failing would require that a government would have to rise above the interests of one class alone.” ~ Robert Heilbroner

Time is Big Money

For all of you that think shopping is patriotic I give you:

Watch Where You Spend Your Money

Plato said, "The greatest wealth is to live content with little." That quote is lost to purchasers of the, "Day & Night" wristwatch by Swiss watchmaker, Romain Jermome. There were only 9 made and they sold out within 48 hours of going on sale. I use the word, "sale" lightly as the watches made with rusted steel from the Titanic sold for $300,000 each. You can look at this watch and say, "I'm on top of the world." The strangest thing is that the watches don’t tell the time, which really makes it a bracelet. Romain Jeromome says, the watch offers the new way of telling time. That is by just showing whether it’s day or night. In other words they are pretty much a sundial for people who are too lazy to look up and see whether the moon or sun is up. My initial thought about a watch that doesn’t tell time was, "When did Yugo start selling watches."

The concept of, "time is money" has now been replaced with, the idea that for the really wealthy it’s the ultimate luxury to take your time. If you're rich enough to buy this watch I’m sure anyone you're doing business with will wait on you.

What could be snobbier than a watch that doesn’t tell time? How about a watch you can’t even wear? "The T-oxy Concept" is also offered by Jermome. This wristwatch is made from non-stabilized rusted steel also from the Titanic. Oxygen will destroy the watch so it must be displayed in a dome case filled with argon. This watch comes with no guarantee because it is extremely corrosive. With steel from the Titanic wearing these watches is creepy because you have a tombstone for a mass grave on your wrist. I wouldn’t want to be reminded of all those horrible deaths on the Titanic very time I looked at my watch to see if it was day or night.

I’m rich in my own way because I have two useless watches that don’t tell time. They are a couple of Timex watches in my nightstand that need batteries. Being a little better with my money than the suckers that bought Jerome’s watches I’ve found it cheaper to pick up a new watch at the Dollar Store than buy batteries for my defunct watches. If I was even able to pay $300,000 for a watch I’d not only want it to tell time I’d want it to let me travel through time.

I started wondering what else the other half (or should I say the top 5%) waste money on so I did some web surfing and came across, Bornrich. org. This site has everything needed for the rich to pimp their world. For example if a watch that reminds you of thousands lost at sea isn’t gruesome enough for you how about a "Coffin Couch?" Since the law doesn’t allow the use of used coffins they are made into furniture that’s to die for. Don’t ask me where used coffins come from because I don’t want to know. I suspect when you’re wealthy there is nothing that isn’t available for purchase.

Other items found at this site for the home that are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine are: diamond studded laptops, bamboo laptops, a LCD display Digital Cutting Board, a $60,000 poolside lounge chair, a $25,000 Ferrari go-kart, or boots with a built -in Gameboy. Worried about security? How about a $12,000 bulletproof bicycle? If you’re on a budget you can buy just the bike frame for $7,000. Maybe some armor for your dog or a $60,000 18K gold, diamond studded mini-revolver for your bodyguard.

My parents taught me that a fool and his money are soon parted. As I got older I learned on my own that the best thing about life isn’t things at all.

Jeromone watch info:titanic watch

Only in America will idiots buy these watches. Jay and the Americans:Only in America

I'm an "Outsider" because I don't want a Jeromone watch and "Time Won't Let Me" Live Long Enough to Afford One. "Time Won't Let Me"The Outsiders

Money Song: Muppets

"I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves." - Bruce Grocott

The Hot Growth Industry

Through a gmail screw up I haven’t been able to post for a week. So what has been happening in the last week?

I went to a birthday party for local activist Susie Beiersdorfer. Susie is one of those activists who recognizes a need and cannot be just a spectator. She’s one of those folks I like to say, is a liberator whose only fear would be surrender. She is involved in a lot of causes and I wish I had a small percent of her energy. Her and her husband Ray both give back to the community and have taught their two daughters to do the same. Forget about Ozzie and Harriet, Ward and June we need more Susies and Rays because they lead by example.

When I think about how many good people our area has had move away it’s great to realize we’ve had ones like Susie and Ray move to our community. They put the “common unity” in community.

Mr. And Mrs. Elecpencil went out to do some Christmas shopping today. I noted near Eastwood Mall what is the hottest growth industry in the declining Bush economy. That is the job of holding signs along roadways advertising going out of business sales.

Be Patriotic Shop: shop

Beings as most of the cars parked at the mall were in front of one business I know what most people are getting for Christmas. Guns, as evidenced by the big gunny crowd waiting to enter the exhibition center for the gun show.

Buy a Gun for Your Son: Tom Paxton

For the late great Odetta who died 12/2/08: Bourgeois Blues

"One day our descendants will think it incredible that we paid so much attention to things like the amount of melanin in our skin or the shape of our eyes or our gender instead of the unique identities of each of us as complex human beings." ~Franklin Thomas

Shop Pigging not Shopping / Death to Butters

The Elecpencil proved he will go to the extreme of torture beyond mere water boarding in order to experience the ugly underbelly of society and report it here. I’m talking about rubbing elbows with an element of society more dangerous and vile than all the pimps, hookers, small time gangsters and foul mouthed truck stop waitresses that fill a Tom Waits recording.

In the interest of science I hung out with vampires and zombies on the most frightening night of the year. It is a day that shows we are a declining society. It ranks with such savage events like barbarism, witch burnings, plagues and the inquisition. That would be the demonic shopping day known as Black Friday. It got that name because it has historically been the day when stores broke into profitability for the full year.

My daughter, the Mac suggested we needed to buy one present for Christmas for all of us. That would be a new TV as ours has no remote, a 12-inch picture in a 20-inch frame and volume that raises and lowers ghostlike. She informed us that they also make color TVs now a days. That came as quite a shock to me as our family doesn’t spend much time keeping up with the latest technology. Mac suggested that we go early in the morning and get in line at an electronics store for one of the Black Friday specials on TV’s.

On the plus side Mrs. Elecpencil and I both had Friday off of work. Unfortunately that is also a day many people have been emancipated from work so the lines could be long. The big problem is a disorder I have known as, poverty. Like many people I don’t make enough money to support my family. I could try to convince my employer that I can’t live on these wages but he would say he isn’t in the business of saving my life.

The Mac said, that the electronic stores doors open at 3 am Friday morning. I had a relative who drove past the store tell me several tents of shoppers were already on the sidewalk as of Thursday at 10 am. I guess these were folks that were so thoughtful about wanting to buy a present for their loved ones they actually gave up enjoying a day of thanks with their families. Such sacrifice for others is the true spirit of Christmas I was thinking in my naive mind.

I looked up some stores on line and most had the same “bargains” I could buy online with free shipping instead of standing out in the cold for. The Mac had experienced standing out in the cold on Black Friday a couple of years ago and convinced us it was something we should check out. I wasn’t easily convinced because I have had previous experience being on a strike line for months on end in the wintry wee hours. We decided to go to the Grove City Outlets, which were opening at midnight, which seemed better than 3 am.

Darkness was upon us as we started out at 10:30 pm on our adventure. Fact is what with it being winter and that stupid turning your clock back crap darkness is upon us at 5:30 pm. We went a back way and arrived at 11:20. Some of the stores were opened since earlier in the day but not of course the ones my family wanted to shop at.

Mac and her friend, Mrs. Elecpencil and I got in line to go in PAC Sun. There were about 70 people in front of us and as many behind. Next thing you know a line starts parallel to the line at the door. I am shocked people walk up 20 minutes before the door opens and do this when people have been waiting in the cold for an hour. This is not something I’d want to do to an angry crowd who has been waiting in the cold jacked up chain smoking and guzzling high energy drinks.

A girl behind me tells me they are butting. She suggests butters should be brutally hacked to death, set on fire and their bodies spit upon. Wow, such Christian spirit for the holidays. The elecpencil fancies himself to be a man of peace. Standing in the cold an old saying comes to him. That is, “Whenever you find injustice, the proper form of politeness is attack.” I start looking around to see if there is a store I can buy some machetes and lighter fluid for myself and my muse in line behind me.

Once the doors open the parallel line is pushing like their lives depended on it. Once inside the store people grab clothes and line up at the registers or fitting rooms. I make a mental note about the people with armloads of clothing in the fitting room lines. That is that’s it’s amazing that the people they are buying clothes as Christmas presents for are the same size as them. They I demise aren't shopping for others they are shop pigging for themselves.

Mac is in one of two checkout lines with clothes she has bought for her brother. She got in line at 12:15 and when my wife and I returned from shopping elsewhere she was still in line at 1:30. She said, people were just cutting in line and arguments were breaking out. We let her go shopping while we waited in line until 2:50. My wife refused to leave the line despite the Elecpencil’s pleading. I personally don’t even wait at a restaurant if they a say it’s going to be 5 minutes.

The lines in the store circled around the walls. There wasn’t room left for anyone to shop. They only had two registers open with two cashiers and two baggers. Meanwhile they had a greeter at the door and one employee wasting her time folding up items on shelves no one could get to. I’d say if you’re going to have people in line for hours you should have people giving them massages and free drinks by damn.

A woman and her young daughter tried to get in line behind us. I wondered why a woman would bring such a young girl out so early in the morning. They both claimed they had been in that spot. It was sad to see a mother lie in front of her young daughter and the daughter lie to back her up. Such lovely Christmas spirit. Mrs. Elecpencil said, “Neither of you were here.” The girl they butted in line in front of sternly said, “I strongly suggest you move to the back of the line.” The woman put her things down and left the store. Yeah, victory for our side and a loss for the butters. Now I was finding myself being unchristian like.

By 3:00 am the whole shopping complex was packed with huge lines at every store’s register. Seven buses from Canada had arrived plus buses from elsewhere. I talked with a woman from Toronto that was shopping despite having her broken foot in a cast. From this I deducted that even the wounded had entered the shopping battleground. I saw four teenage boys all in gray hoodies (an outlet mall gang?) with the hoods up drinking alcohol in paper bags. They were all screaming, “Woooooooo.” Which in drunk means, I can’t handle alcohol. Between the drunks and the butters the Elecpencil sensed his asshole magnet was drawing an evil element that could endanger his family so we headed for the Jalopy GT and made our exit.

After arriving at our domicile the Mac and her friend still having teenage energy headed off for the Eastwood Mall. The Elecpencil had decided to never again experience Black Friday. The nasty butters are a culture I don’t understand and hope to never see again. I’m reminded of an old saying, “ An idealist is a man who worries about why people do things. A practical man is he who worries about how to get out of it without doing it.” Put the Elecpencil down as a practical man.

Black Friday shoppers kill at Walmart: WalMart killers

The fun of Black friday: fun

More fun: crazy fun

Christmas shopping music: tune

Shopping music: music

Thanking God for Genocide

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner at my parent’s house. My mother is one fine cook and baker. I can almost smell the scent of turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, green beans, mashed potatoes, gravy, buttered biscuits, cherry pie, and pumpkin pie with whipped cream. No yucky sweet potatoes though because being 100% Irish we only eat real potatoes.

The Mac (my daughter) is off work for Thanksgiving and Adam (my son) will be home from college. Thanksgiving a sit down dinner with three generations of the family I hope will leave my children with happy holiday memories.

Holidays in the good ole USA always have some bizarre background to them. The Thanksgiving holiday is no exception as it's history is about as weird as it gets.

We will smell a kitchen full of the scents of a delectable feast but that is not the whiff of what Thanksgiving represents. The original smells would have been the putrid scent of barbecued Indian flesh.

Here is a historic description behind the massacre of Indians, which is the real reason the Pilgrims, gave thanks: This by William Bradford, an early settler, on Captain John Mason’s attack on a Pequot village.

"Those that escaped the fire were slain with the sword, some hewed to pieces, others run through with their rapiers, so as they were quickly dispatched and very few escaped. It was conceived that they thus destroyed about 400 at this time. It was a fearful sight to see them thus frying in the fire and the streams of blood quenching the same, and horrible was the stink and scent thereof; but the victory seemed a sweet sacrifice, and they gave the praise thereof to God, who had wrought so wonderfully for them, thus to enclose their enemies in their hands and give them so speedy a victory over so proud and insulting an enemy."

While we have genocide against turkeys for Thanksgiving our fore fathers had a genocide against Native Americans.

Thanksgiving history:facts

Here is a Thanksgiving/Christmas poem I wrote:

Holiday Deja Vu By the elecpencil

It starts before Thanksgiving
Those articles in the newspaper
on what to cook with leftover turkey.
Turkey ala-king, potpies, burritos...
why not turkey Jell-O or turkey smoothies?
Why don’t they just say buy a
God damn smaller turkey!

Then I wouldn’t have to see
all those redundant articles.
Next comes Christmas.
Ready for Christmas’s religious service,
I sit down to read the daily paper
and of course, there’s an article
on how Christmas is too commercial.

It’s say, Christmas has become
the largest annual economic stimulus
for many countries.
The story is squeezed in between
a Christmas Sales ad and
an article on the hottest toys to buy.

I contemplate the question
of Christmas commercialization...
sitting at my Thomasville dining room table
drinking my Carnation instant hot chocolate
complete with Kraft marshmallows
from my Correll Peach Garland pattern mug.

I spill some on my Geoffrey Benne necktie.
I toss it in my Kenmore washer and
add some Tide, extra strength
I turn on my Toshiba stereo TV and
ease into my Lazy Boy Recliner.
I set it to full tilt and view the 27” screen between
my black Dexter wing tips
that are so old they
were made in the USA.

I eat a Fiesta bowl of
Nabisco shredded wheat
with slices of Dole bananas in it.
My Timex watch says its time to go.
I get my tie out of the Maytag dryer
and put on my Botany 500 jacket.

I get in my Dodge mini-van
and leave my Ryan built home.
I brush off the idea of Christmas
being too commercial
as I enter church to celebrate
the real meaning of Christmas...
For the rest of you...
Merry McChristmas and
a happy Wal-Mart New Year.

Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs: Burroughs

Stuff it Good: Devo parody

Happy Thanksgiving pass the smoldering Butterball Indian.

Talk Radio Jihad / Minimum Wage

I am a CSPAN and talk radio junkie. As a kid I fell asleep listening to talk shows. I don't remember most of them being as crazy right wing as they are today. Driving in the car I listen to them and yell back at the hosts every time I hear a lie (every 15 seconds or so). When my family is in the car they fear I am going to stroke out.

I watch CSPAN's call in show at 7 am when I'm getting ready for work. They switch between several different hosts (isn't that Greta a babe?). Hearing conservative callers with crack pot views gets me angry and in a defensive mood that prepares me for what the day will throw at me.

Here's a poem I wrote a few years ago about talk radio:

Talk Radio Jihad

Leaving work, I turn on my car radio
only to hear the last few minutes
of the Mush Windbag Show.

Mush: “The Congress should vote against the minimum wage increase, it’s
already high, whatever it is. They should give more tax breaks and incentives to
businesses and keep workers from getting minimum wage increases.”

Caller: “Ditto Mush on the minimum wage it’s already too high…whatever it is. I also agree with you about the environment. Environmentalist are commies, green on the outside and red on the inside.”

Mush: “Yes, trees are not beautiful until you cut them down and make something from them. Goodbye ditto heads, be ever vigilant and tune in tomorrow.”

I yell at the radio,
I guess God had in mind big picnic tables when he made the giant sequoia trees.
Yes, keep tuning in ditto head lemmings
until prophet Mush tells you when to drink the Kool-Aid
We need national health care to get these callers mental help.
It must be very hard to dial the telephone in a straight jacket.

The news comes on to say protesters at a Buchanan fundraiser
called Pat, David Duke without the sheet.
Pat Buchanan’s sister Bay says, “I hate David Duke, he steals all of Pat’s ideas.”

Next on the radio comes a local show
with the host Don Dangling Participle
Don: “Now the government wants to regulate wages. The minimum wage is too high already…whatever it is. We don’t need government intervention. Let’s go to the phone lines. Callers what’s wrong with America?”

Don hits line one : Caller; “Big Government”
Ok, line 2: “Big government”
Line 3: “ Big government.”
Line 4: “Big government, big government, big government”
Don: “Caller turn down your radio when you call.”

Next line caller; “Hi Don, Juliet here, long time listener, first time caller. I was struck by a hit and run driver in a BMW last winter as I waited for a bus. I’m in a wheel chair for life and my husband has become an invalid also.”
Don: “Yeah, you old battle axe, so what?”
Caller: “Well we worked at minimum wage jobs and have no savings and are having a hard time making ends meet. I turned on the radio to hear you arguing against a minimum wage increase. Why over the years have you gotten meaner and meaner to working people?”

Don: “Listen lady I got married a few years ago and had an instant family. My wife wanted a big wedding ring, a big new house, a new car, and a $1500 dryer one of my sponsors sells and a $1000 sweeper another sponsor sells. Hell lady, my life’s been super sized in a short period of time. I had to get a 2nd career running a grass cutting business. I don’t like minimum wage increases because it will mean I’ve got to pay my employees more. Got it battle axe?”

Don;: “Next caller: Big government bad.”
Next: “Hey Don I can’t talk long, I’ve got to get to my post office box to pick up my Social Security check and re-mail a government college grant check to my son that came to my house by mistake then stop for a check up at the Vet’s hospital.”
Don: “Yeah, old timer so what did you want to say?”
Caller: “Just that big government is bad.”

Now for a commercial: Hello from Right Wing Wacko Books.com. Check out this great new book, “Benefits Bah Humbug” by Silas Marner. Learn how to keep your workforce from obtaining health care, vacations and how to keep your sweatshop free of: unions, OSHA and EPA regulations. “Benefits Bah Humbug” with a forward by conservative union buster, the Gipper. Order one today.

The next program was an investment show.
“Hi, I’m Rob Grinch, host of Who Says You Can’t Take It with You, Sew Pockets in Your Shroud.”
First off: “Big government is bad, they’re trying to raise the minimum wage which is far too high…whatever it presently is.”
On to the first caller: “Rob I agree the minimum wage is too high…whatever that figure is. Now my problem, I make $635,000 a year, my wife $510,000. We’ve got a $985,000 house paid off, $3.5 million in 401ks, 1.8 million in bonds plus I just inherited 6 million.”
Rob: “What’s your question?”
Caller: “I need your help because, it’s free. Should I spend money for snow tires this winter or can my wife get by with her BMW’s all season tires? Last winter she slid off the road and thought maybe she hit something so she’s concerned about snow tires this year.”
Rob: “What the bleep, bleep, call the auto talk show you bleep. I’m a certified investor.”

Next caller: “Hi Rob, I’m Romeo. I just turned on the show and I don’t know your topic but I need help. I broke my spine on my job as a manual loader of anvils and I have no insurance or health care and a wife and 2 kids and a $15,000 house to pay off.”
Rob: “Did you sock away any money?”
Caller: “Not making minimum wage I didn’t.”
Rob: “What’s that pay?”
Caller: “$5.15 an hour.”
Rob: “Far too much, I knew it. Make your wife work.”
Caller: “She’s in a wheelchair, last winter a hit and run driver in a BMW hit her, jumping the curb while she waited for a bus. She has doctor bills over $300,000. What can I do?”
Rob: “I’ve got one word for you, cyanide. Sayonara until tomorrow listeners.”

Next came the therapist show,
“Hi, I’m Dr. Whora Slutfinger and I’m my kid’s mom.” I’m thinking that’s her way of talking about herself 3 times in one sentence.

Her first caller: “Dr. Whora, my husband has a permanent spine injury and can’t work. I am also an invalid since I was hit by a BMW hit and run driver last winter. We’ve got two kids to feed, no income or health care and 100’s of thousands of dollars in medical bills. We’re so stressed out we don’t know what to do.”
Dr. Whora: “How old are your kids?”
Caller: “ 3 and 5.”
Dr.: “You didn’t stay home with your kids? You worked?”
Caller: “Yes, my husband and I only had minimum wage jobs.”
Dr.: “You should have stayed home with your kids, you shameless bitch. I’m sure God is punishing you for working. You and your shack up honey probably have tons of cash saved since you both worked minimum wage jobs which pay way too much…whatever that figure is.”

Next up was a news break with Saul Harve.
“Hello, Saul Harve here with the rest of the story."

Page 1: A Romeo & Juliet love story. With Romeo suffering from a spine injury he somehow gets the crazy idea to end it all with cyanide.

Page 2: Juliet finds his lifeless body, pulls her wheelchair next to him and takes the rest of the cyanide. Her small children find her muttering, “shack up honey, shameless bitch, God is punishing me” as she dies in their arms.

Page 3: It is your announcer’s view they ended their lives because they were depressed with their human condition. You see they both had minimum wage jobs and therefore must have been living the life of luxury. Living a decadent, debauched life discovering all their fabulous wealth could not bring them happiness.

Page 4: Yes, the lesson we have to learn is that minimum wage is already too high…whatever it is. Good day.


Minimum wage VS CEO pay:CEO

Minimum wage song: minimum wage

Smashing Pumpkins parody minimum wage song: Bob Rivers

God is Not Spelled G.O.P.

All right that does it I had more than my fill of the Catholic Church. Before you label me a Catholic basher know that I spent fifty years doing penance in that faith before I left. I will save all the reasons for another post, as they will be lengthy. What I want to address is the harm they are presently doing by getting involved into politics.

Rev. Jay Scott Newman a South Carolina Roman Catholic priest distributed a letter to parishioners at St. Mary's Catholic Church in Greenville that they are putting their souls at risk if they take Holy Communion before doing penance for their vote for Barrack Obama. Fr. Newman says Catholics should always vote for the pro-life candidate, as any other issues don’t count.

Archbishop Joseph Naumann of the Diocese of Kansas City, Kansas said politicians “ can’t check your principals at the door of the legislature.” Naumann has said repeatedly that Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius, a Catholic Democrat who supports abortion rights, should stop taking Holy Communion until she becomes pro-life." They cannot call themselves Catholic when they violate such a core belief as the dignity of the unborn," Naumann said.

During the 2008 presidential campaign, many bishops told Catholic politicians and voters that the abortion issue should be the most important consideration in setting policy and deciding which candidate to back. A few church leaders said parishioners risked their immortal soul by voting for candidates who support abortion rights. Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry in 2004 was criticized for supporting abortion rights, with a few Catholic bishops saying Kerry should refrain from receiving Holy Communion because his views were contrary to church teachings.

This act of Catholic priests telling you who to vote for is not new to the elecpencil. I attended a small Catholic church in Warren Ohio for a number of years. In 1988 I was appalled when one of the priests at mass told us we had to vote for George H. Bush because he was pro-life. Sadly, this priest went to another Warren parish where he claimed two African American kids knifed him. It was soon learned he lied and had actually tried to commit suicide. That lie almost erupted the city into a race riot.

On the very day of the 2008 election I heard a bishop I believe to be Naumann from Kansas City interviewed on a Fundamentalist Christian radio show syndicated by local 1440 AM. He said to Catholics considering a vote for Obama: "Give consideration to your eternal salvation."

Despite the Catholic Church’s claims that abortion needed to be the one issue that Catholics voted on, 54 percent of Catholics chose Obama. In a poll of likely Catholic voters, 70 percent said that the views of Catholic bishops holds no weight in deciding for whom to vote and 73 percent said they believe they are under no religious obligation to vote the way the bishops recommend.

The Catholic Church has a proud history of standing up for many movements of social justice. These are issues like: peace, justice, racial equality, workers rights, the fight for raising the minimum wage, health, safety, homelessness, poverty, environmental issues, corporate responsibility etc. The Catholic Church needs to remember that Republicans have always been the ones on the other side of these issues fighting back. That has not been lost on Catholic voters just the churches hierarchy. As far as the issue of decaying morality, let’s put the blame where it belongs, on conservative values, which promote greed as good, looking out for number one, and the support of an economic system that puts profits before people. Conservatives, I’ve come to realize confuse G.O.P. and GOD.

Since 9/11 I have heard hatred, racism and religious intolerance from people of many faiths. The most shocking to me were some things I heard a couple of years ago on the Catholic Church’s radio station, “"Stations of the Cross.”" On various programs on the station I heard: A Catholic Priest (who was a former Episcopalian Priest) criticize Episcopalians and Lutherans. I heard one host trashing Mormons another Moslems. I heard an author interviewed who was promoting his book, which would arm Catholics with information to combat those "pesky" Jehovah Witness missionaries when they come to your door talking religion.

It is time to realize there can be no peace and tolerance among nations if there is neither among religions.

As I go to print this it’s ironic I received information about a priest I have met and respect more than any other one I’ve ever met. I’m talking about Father Roy Bourgeois, founder of the School of the Americas Watch in Columbus Georgia. Fr. Roy leads yearly demonstrations against the School of the Americas that trains death squads for third world dictators. Despite all the great work that Fr. Roy had done he is being threatened with excommunication by Pope Benedict XVI (who as a cardinal was the one who hid the pedophile priest problem). This is because Fr. Roy has spoken in favor of ordaining women as priests.

This about Fr. Roys excommunication threat: check out the comments

I am saddened by this threat as I have been saddened by the second-class treatment of women in the church and the church’s stand against gays. With all this talk of denying parishioners communion and excommunication I would ask if the Catholic Church excommunicated pedophile priests or forgave them as Christ would? If the Catholic and other Christian churches are going to excommunicate liberal members who are pro-choice and use birth control, and conservative members who use birth control, are pro-war, pro-death penalty, and pro-pollution of our planet by corporations, all things opposed to Christian church teachings, I think you’re going to find the pews pretty empty.

With all the hate and intolerance I’m hearing from various religions that may not be such a bad thing.

Ammunition song : Ammunition

Big Butter Jesus: In Southern Ohio

A Message fron God No More Bigotry in My Name

A message from God: God’s message

Lots of voters missed that message from God in California, Florida and Arizona when they voted to ban gay marriages.

Individual contributions from Mormon Church members put up $15,305,050 to pass Proposition 8 in California banning gay marriages. The Catholic Knights of Columbus was the largest single contributor against gay marriages spending $1.4 million. The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops kicked in $200,000 and Dr.James Dobson's Focus on the Family contributed more than $400,000 to the Yes On 8 Proposition. Other contributors included, the Tupelo, Miss.-based American Family Association ($500,000), and Elsa Prince, ($450,000), mother of Erik Prince, founder of the private security contractor Blackwater Worldwide.

Besides the money another reason proposition 8 passed was the turnout of the minority population. 50% of Latino voters voted for proposition 8. African Americans who came out in big numbers for Obama voted 70% for the ban. The 51% of whites who voted against the ban were not able to make up for the minority vote for the ban.

Latinos are mostly Catholic so they supported their church in the discrimination against gays despite the discrimination Latinos face in the U.S. Mormons who spent big dollars to deny gays the rights of marriage have forgotten their own church history about how they suffered horrible persecution and were driven from state to state. Most gays voting cast ballots for Barak Obama and yet African Americans forgetting about the bigotry they have faced voted to discriminating against gays. In the case of color I believe many African Americans are some of the most religious people so I believe religion is what fosters their homophobia, not skin color

The elecpencil worked at an African American radio station for two years doing a weekly interview show in the mid 1990’s. I interviewed a young African American minister because I admired the work he was doing ministering to prisoners. Because he also worked construction and I am interested in labor issues we talked about minority hiring. I asked him how many minorities were on the large construction job he was presently on. He replied, "Only half a dozen." I asked, "How many women?" He answered, "Thankfully none as they need to be home making dinner and ironing." We then got into a heated argument because he didn’t see anything wrong with what he had said.

Another time near Martin Luther King Day I had on a local well-respected African American minister who had marched with MLK. I had seen in the newspaper he was having a meeting with the Promise Keepers. I sited some quotes from Promise Keeper leaders that trashed gays and treated women like subhumans and asked him why he would meet with such hate mongers. He asked me where I got such information. I replied from Promise Keeper literature and the NOW organization and the Gay and Lesbian Task Force. He replied, "Who cares what a bunch of queers and militant feminists have to say." We got into a heated argument when I replied, "You may have marched with MLK but you surely never listened to him."

I can tell you that the African Americans at the station took the ministers side and not the elecpencils. I was surprised at how African Americans who have suffered discrimination have no empathy for others suffering discrimination. I had to learn that it had nothing to do as I said with color but had everything to do with the hypocrisy that exists within the Christian faith.

Christian Coalition promises more anti-gay amendments: not so Christian coalition

As far as the Knights of Columbus and other Catholics (and I say this as a former Catholic) they might be better served not electing former cardinals to pope that hid the priest pedophilia problems than worrying about gays marrying. I have a whole tirade to wage against some of the U.S. Catholic Bishops who try to politicize elections. I will save that for later in a discussion about one issue Catholics.

As for now let me say, California by court order had created a bright new age where gay people had equal rights to enter into a loving committed relationship. The passing of Proposition 8 serves to discriminate against citizens of our country who just wanted the same rights of happiness and love as others have.

On a bright note Prop. 8 was opposed at significantly higher rates among California's youth. According to the Public Policy Institute of California, a poll taken before the election showed that 59 percent of likely voters aged 18 to 34 opposed the anti-gay measure. Maybe the future will be brighter.

Another bright note is that some Mormons are standing up against their churches bigotry against gays: Speaking out


Proposition 8 lies: the lies in Prop 8

Thugs claiming to be Mormons attack protesters: thugs

Gay marriage song; Love Conquers All

It's About Time Song: In California

Review of a Kick Ass Concert and Warning of a Weasel in the Hen House

This was meant to be a review of Mike Stout’s concert last night at YSU (it follows this rant) before I brought in today’s Warren Tribune from the paper box. The Trib as it’s dubbed is the local newspaper. It’s actually owned by a corporate conservative conglomerate. It ignores the working-class make up of our area and endorses candidates like McCain. Being conservative it loves school vouchers and tells our citizens to vote against school levees even the local school for handicapped kids. This isn’t a rant against everything that's wrong with the Trib as that would take me tens years to write working 24/7 but on a story that was in this mornings Trib.

The story is about USW (United Steel Worker) Local 3523’s members having been on strike against Thomas Steel in Warren Ohio for 100 days. I was glad to see our congressman Tim Ryan stopped to visit the strikers. Rep. Ryan spoke to the company’s owners a few months ago in an effort to get them back to the bargaining table. I sadly note that the workers are being represented by, Gary Steinbeck, a subdistrict director for the United Steelworkers International.

Gary was the union staff man for my USW local so I feel for the strikers. When Gary represented my plant he never met a contract he didn’t think we should pass. Gary would have had us vote yes on a blank sheet of paper. When we complained of terrible contracts Gary would reply, “We’ll get em next time guys.” Next time of course was always worse as once you open the concessionary door to the hen house the fox has an endless food supply to feast on.

In 1998 the roosters and hens at the plant I worked at had enough of bad contracts. They rejected an ugly contract from a new company that wanted to buy our plant. It went down to defeat by a vote of about 75 to 25. Guys who had voted for any contract in the past now said we had negotiated away everything but our dignity and by damn we were now standing up for our dignity! By the next week our dignity was stolen as Gary told us the USW was our bargaining agent and he was passing the contract we turned down. Some of us in the hen house were not going to be battered, seasoned and fried chickens or roasted roosters so a case was mounted to take to the Labor Board charging that the company and the USW were in bed together.

We lost the case because the USW by law represents the local rank and file members and doesn’t even have to give us the right to vote on a contract. So much for democracy in a union. The new company Gary had told us was great at turning companies around. The new company came in and unscrewed every other light bulb because they were a bunch of nickel and dimmer, ten-cent millionaires. The plant closed within a year and the same owners had purchased Copperweld Steel and closed it in no time at all.

Gary is a weasel who doesn’t care how bad a contract is because he doesn’t have to go to work everyday under it. You can’t let weasels into your hen house as they will steal your eggs and suck the life from them. I’m the most union person you’ll ever meet but I have no use for company unions who are nothing but mere cops for the boss. Unions need to know the real union is the rank and file members on the shop floor. That’s much like our political representatives need to learn they represent the people not corporations. I feel for the strikers at Thomas Steel because the only talk Gary knows is B.S. and the only walk he knows is slithering like the snake he is. Strikers stand up for your dignity and view your union “representative” Gary with a watchful eye. Best of luck to you FW’s (fellow workers).

A Real Grievance Man Sings Out at YSU

WYSU is a great station and they proved it to me by having Pittsburgh’s Mike Stout and the Human Union band play WYSU’s Folk Festival last night. Mike is a former grievance man for the US Steel Homestead Works. That, coupled with the working-class conscious music he makes today, has led him led him to be dubbed, “the Grievance Man of the world.” Grievance Man Mike has used his safety shoe allowance on steel-toed boots in the form of a dozen and a half songs he brought to Y-town to kick the powers-that-be in the ass and unite the working-class in solidarity in the struggle for a better world.

The elecpencil dragged his tired rump out for the evening even though working with some overactive youngsters at work left him as tired as Superman after a double shift at the Kryptonite mine. Ms Elecpencil having her strength zapped by the same type of tykes even joined me for the evening, which is a rare event. That’s mostly because like me she loves Mike’s music. I was invited to a get together for Mike before hand but due to circumstances beyond my control (which is about how 90% of my life is) we arrived just before the music started.

Though I didn’t see a lot of advertising for the event it was well attended. The crowd was a mix of many of the activists and radicals in the area. That includes lots of folks the elepencil loves and admires and was happy to see. These are people who make this community better and are therefore my kind of people! Mike’s also as he opened with his song, “My Kind of People.” Mike followed that up with more songs about: Solidarity, historic working-class heroes and heroines, a song about the School of the Americas, revolution, hope and freedom. His band the Human Union is made up of some of the best musicians in the Pittsburgh area. Guitarists Dan Parese and Fred Nelson help deliver a powerful and solid contract for the World’s Grievance Man. Ms. Elecpencil noted how, Fred’s slide guitar on Mike’s,” The Big Time Corporate Blues” was especially haunting.

Mike talked about how his father sent him away to a Catholic detention school for troubled kids. Mike said, he hid a radio under his pillow and listened to Chicago’s WLS’s top hits of the time. This brought back memories to the elepencil because his parents were Catholics who ran their home like a detention center. In my cell I would also hide my radio under the pillow. I listened to Chicago station WCFL’s Sunday show, “Ron Britain’s Subterranean Circus.” Britain introduced me to Muddy Water’s, “Electric Mud,” John Mayall and the Blues Breakers, Terry Reid, etc. Grievance Man Mike played three Beatles tunes he remembered from those times. He started with, “You’ve got to Hide Your Love Away.” As he played I thought about how that was one of my favorite Beatle tunes that doesn’t get played much. I was thinking the other Beatle tune I love and seldom hear is Norwegian Wood” Next thing I know Mike is playing, “Norwegian Wood.” Like Mike my favorite Beatles album is also, “Rubber Soul.” If you have the album dig it out and play, “The Word” and “In my Life” and see if you don’t agree.

Being in Youngstown Mike played Springsteen’s, "Youngstown." He did,”Flowers of the Working-class” about two former Youngstown union leaders, John Barbaro and Ed Mann. Today’s union leaders like Gary Steinbeck could never fill Ed and John’s steel toe work shoes. Mike also played a song called "Mama Bear" written about and dedicated to Niles Ohio activist, Alice Lynd who was in attendance. Alice and her husband Staughton have been mentors to many others and me and our community is lucky to have such people. Ms. Elecpencil says, I’m a better person for having known the Lynds. Having known Mike for what must be over a decade I can say my kid are better kids by having been exposed to his music at home and in the car.

Mikes music gives voice to the voiceless. The voiceless are the downtrodden, the immigrants, the incarcerated and the workers left behind because of social injustice and globalization. He makes us workers realize, we’ve not just sold our labor, but also our souls to a system that promises us dreams but delivers us nightmares.

Sadly, Mike’s music is not for everyone. It’s only for those of us who won’t settle for the banality of junk food in our literature or music. If you seek something life sustaining, you’ll find it fulfilling and loaded with protein. Those of us who look to be the carpenters of a new world need these songs as tools towards that construction.

For your tool box pick up Mikes latest CD, “The Point of Pittsburgh.”

I could say tons more about Mike's music but his songs speak for them self and you can hear them at Mike's website: Mike Stout

Review of the New Ytown Reading Series and Three Legged - Elephants

When I started writing this blog I was hoping I could review some events in the Youngstown and surrounding area. The first problem with having a Blog is you have to know how to write. I don’t mean just stringing thoughts together but actually using proper punctuation, spelling etc. Remember how you took another language in high school or college? Know how all you can do today is count to ten in Spanish or German. That’s the problem I face today with writing skills. After a couple of years at college and working two jobs and being dirt poor I quit the jobs and college all in one day (more on this another time) bummed around for awhile and got a job in one of our ancestral job sites known as a factory. I then didn’t pick up a pen for decades so I lost all writing skills.

Being someone who was into Punk Rock I realized you didn’t need writing skills to write. I started reading working-class poetry and decided that mixing my industrial background with a less is more, irreverent punk school of thought would be something I could do. Punctuation, spelling be damned (but thank God for Spell check anyway). OK that’s my way of saying I don’t know what the Hell I’m doing but full steam ahead. Nietzsche once said, “It is better for the Three-Legged Elephant to dance foolishly than to never have danced.” In the last decade and a half I have been dancing foolishly a lot.

While working on a monthly labor issue newsletter with some wonderful folks I started writing poetry. I realized I was going to at some point get in front of a crowd and read these poems. I was the guy in high school that wouldn’t take speech because I was afraid to get in front of folks and present something. Well, I have been getting in front of small groups doing readings for over a decade. Yep, I still am uneasy doing it and know I always will be. But by damn this three-legged Elephant doesn’t want to miss dancing.

Back to my wanting to review events in the area. The truth is I really don’t get out enough to be able to review anything. Also, after working with hyperactive kids all day I am hammered by the end of the day. My day at work is full of noisy kids and I really need some quiet when I get home. I love my job but I pretty much took a vow of poverty when I signed on. Truth is with poverty wages a son in college and a daughter going to college next year I really can’t afford to attend very many events.

I loaded up my vehicle with lots of heavy scrap metal today to get a few bucks ahead. At the scrap yard I had to drive down a long road filled with broken glass and scrap metal. I also had to unload all this crap myself. For all my hard work I walked away with the princely sum of $1.43. I will probably end up having to repair a tire for $20 with all the glass I drove over. There is no getting ahead brothers and sisters.

When I do venture out it is usually for some free event. As I mentioned previously my wife suffers from Lupus. Cold weather is especially hard on her so if I do venture out I try not to stay at an event for to long. I actually would like to bring folks to tag along but because I tend to get in and out of an event I don’t bother to ask anyone to come along. I’d actually love to stay some place I’m at longer and socialize. People who know me well will say I’m opinionated, boisterous, and humorous and love to banter back and forth with people. On the other hand if I don’t know you I am not unfriendly just shy.

Now that I’ve got that out of the way let me tell you about an event I attended Monday night. I went to Cedar’s Cafe for the New Ytown Reading Series. Local author, Chris Barzak is putting on this event, which features a visiting writer or poet, followed by an Open Mic. Monday’s speaker was the Akron Beacon Journalist David Giffels. Giffels newest book is, “All the Way Home.” It is a memoir about rehabbing a crumbling mansion in Akron. He has also written, “The Story of Rubber in Akron” and a biography of one of my favorite bands, Devo. He’s won a slew of awards and before you start thinking oh no not some high brow boring shit let me mention he was a writer for “Beavis and Butthead.”

This event featured two things I’m all about first access to beer and the event was free! Cedar’s Cafe has reopened and features tapas and panini sandwiches. I ordered hummus and it was creamy, yummy and a generous portion. I also got a Straub draft for a mere $1. Straub is my favorite beer along with Stoney’s (a great name for a beer) as both have all natural ingredients and are as pure as beer can be. A real working-class punk valued beer. None of that dark beer over yeasty, added flavor crap for me. Drinking that dark crap is like pureeing a loaf of pumpernickel bread and drinking it. What the Hell is with Corona beer? When I visited Mexico almost a decade ago I noticed you couldn’t give Corona away. People called it peasant beer. I learned that was because it was aged less than three weeks and contains corn syrup instead of 100% malted barley. Some how it made it’s way to the USA and is marketed as a top-notch beer. Any beer that people stick a lime in to mask the over sugary taste should be a tip off that the beer sucks. You shouldn’t have to add fruit to a beer just like you shouldn’t have to add mixes to liquor. A whiskey that won’t stand on it’s own isn’t worth drinking.

But I digress and must say I enjoyed David Giffels. He brought back memories of the Bank punk club in Akron and talked about Highland Square. He made me realize I love going to Akron because it reminds me so much of Youngstown. David talked and joked with us about trying to remodel an Akron mansion while trying to convince his wife he was up to the task. The book is a coming of age life story about dealing with an aged house on life support. Dealing with such a remodeling task David wondered at times whether he was breathing life into the home or it was sucking the life out of him.

I enjoyed briefly talking with David about the things I love about Akron. I was glad to learn David had fond memories of being in a band and playing at Cedars. After David there was an Open Mic where local folks shared poetry. Including the elecpencil himself. I don’t think I will ever be comfortable reading my poetry and I have a hard time looking at people after I am done. I really do admire some of the folks that can recite poems off the top of their head, as it’s something I would never attempt to do.

What I do isn’t poetry as much as observations and rants. To me there are only two types of poems, ones you start and ones you finish. I really do try and avoid some poetry readings that are highbrow shit with poems about nature with a ton of adjectives. I’ve been to a few poetry events that feature award winning poems and short stories by people working on their Masters’ of Fine Arts (MFA) and PhDs in creative writing. After hearing their poetry I started to think MFA must mean Mother Fucking Awful. This is the artsy fartsy, boring soulless, sterile academic, uninspiring crap that gives poetry and short stories a bad name. I want to hear short stories and poetry about events and characters that make you laugh, cry and even angry. These kinds of writers and poets are ones who’ve earned their MLE (Master of Life Experience) on the shop floor. If there were any justice in the world these writers would be the award winners who could earn a living by being a writer. I’m glad to say David Giffel is in the later class.

All in all it was a good event and I’d recommend you go next month. Chris Barzak who I’m told is a gifted writer himself (I’m to poor to any longer buy books) is putting on this monthly event. Being in some organizations that put on events I can tell you a lot of work goes into events so I was glad to see a nice size group of audience members. I as usual had to rush home after the event but if my broke, tired old ass can drag itself out for the night than you can to. See you next month at Cedar’s Cafe and bring some poetry to read as we three-legged elephants should stick together. ~ In solidarity ~ the elecpencil

Drano Joe the Circus Monkey

The latest news on Joe the plumber has him hiring an agent see here: Agent
Joe is going to be a millionaire after all! That’s why he’s for McCain, as millionaires don’t pay taxes under Republicans.

As comedian Bill Maher said, "Joe doesn’t want to pay more taxes but is willing to give an agent 15%." News is Joe is also going to record a country and western album. Joe was on right-wing talk radio hosts Laura Ingraham’s show saying he may run for congress. I remember reading in David Brocks great book, "Blinded by the Right" that of all his former right-wing friends she was the dumbest and shallowest. He said he noted being at her home and noticing she owned no books and he also doubted she had ever read a book.

For all those right-wingers that claim the press wouldn’t let Joe have any privacy it’s worth noting Joe is trying to exploit his 15 minutes of fame to the max. Joe has been joining McCain/Palin on the campaign trail to try and influence the "Joe Six" packs of the country. As a Joe Six pack I can tell you when my plant closed I went from being in the industrial sector to the service sector. I note that Ronald Reagan’s service sector pays way less than the industrial sector did. So many of us Joe Six packs are now Joe Two packs.

On the campaign trail Joe agreed with a guy that a vote for Obama is the death of Israel. Obama of course is a big supporter of Israel. How dumb of a right-winger are you when FOX News’s Shep Smith calls you out as being frightening? : Calling Joe frightening

Joe is truly an uninformed bald bobblehead. Anyone agree with me that Joe has been huffing Drano?

McCain has been calling Joe the Plumber his hero. McCain says Joe’s a regular guy who works hard and pays his taxes. Well pays his taxes sometimes, as he presently owes $1200. As for working hard Joe is an unlicensed plumber, which makes him a handyman. I don’t know about you but when I hire a plumber I want a licensed, bonded and insured one. Joe obviously doesn’t know enough to pay his taxes but wants to question Obama’s tax plan. Joe’s worried about how to get out of paying taxes one day when he becomes a millionaire. Joe you are already not paying your taxes and working without a license, which makes you a typical republican.

Joe says he hopes to one day buy his bosses business that makes over $250,000 a year. Joe’s boss laughed and said he makes about $100,000 and has never talked about selling Joe his unlicensed contracting business. I guess Joe was giving Obama the business when he spouted off his B.S. about becoming a business owner. First off Joe get a license and some plumber training.

Besides spouting off about Obama and Israel Joe has weighed in on hating Social Security and stopping immigration. Joe your parents get Social Security so have them refuse the checks and you pay for their keep. As far as illegal immigrants they are coming to the USA to better their life isn’t that what you wanted to do by buying your bosses business? Immigrants would actually be smart enough have a conversation with their boss if they were interested in buying his business. Immigrants would also realize they don’t need to buy out someone’s business because how much does it really take to run an unlicensed contracting business? What a pick em up truck and an ad in the newspaper?

Joe I believe McCain when he says you are his hero. That’s because Joe is the middle-class guy republicans’ love. He’s a regular working guy deluding himself into thinking he’s one day going to be a millionaire businessman. He’s a guy who owes money to a hospital but isn’t concerned with health care plans. He’s a middle class guy who doesn’t realize or care that the wealthy own our politicians and pay them to write laws for their benefit not the benefit of the middle class and poor. He’s a guy who doesn’t understand that the wealthy profit from wars that the poor and middle-class sacrifice their kids for. McCain the multi-millionaire is exploiting Joe the wanna be millionaire. Joe rails against socialism while socialism just bailed out the wealthy.

The Joe Six packs that vote for the McCain’s, Reagan’s and Bushes of the world haven’t figured out what their place is at the big top republican tent. The media is corporate owned and therefore not liberal but conservative. In the big top GOP tent the media is therefore the clowns entertaining you. The corporate CEO's play their high wire acts and if they fall they use the middle-class as the nets to save their rich asses. The lion tamers are politicians who try to scare us with fear and claim only they can save us. The magicians are the conservatives trying to convince us trickle down economics is not a trick that only rewards the wealthy. The Republican symbol the elephant is the star trampling anything in it’s way. When the elephants have done their damage and left their excrement the middle-class and poor that vote for them are left to clean up their shit. Right now Bush is the ringmaster and McCain wants to be. Let’s hope after next Tuesday we can tell them to pack up their tent and hit the road.

Tonio K One Big (Happy) Family: Happy?

Tonio K Funky Western Civilization: Funky

Jesus Hussein Christ

After spending a long time doing some historic research I’ve made an important discovery. I know you’ve often heard Jesus Christ called, Jesus H. Christ. Well my extensive research shows that the H. stands for HUSSEIN.

Yep, Jesus was a Moslem. I know this is going to shake up the Christian world because they never liked the idea that people thought that Jesus was Jewish. Jesus Hussein Christ, Jesus Hussein Christ, Jesus Hussein Christ say it with me. There, we just caused some Christian McCain supporters to have strokes!

I am sure my research will drive some Christian leaders insane. Then again aren’t many of them already insane? Let me give you some examples of their insanity: First from Phyllis Schlafly a right-wing icon who founded the Eagle Forum,who was central in derailing the Equal Rights Amendment. Schlafly a firm believer in the use of nuclear weapons, once pronounced "the atomic bomb" is a marvelous gift that was given to our country by a wise God.”


Pat Robertson (Christian Coalition): "You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense, I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist."

Paul Cameron: "I think that actually AIDS is a guardian. That is I think it was sent, if you would, about forty years ago, to destroy Western civilization unless we change our sexual ways. So it's really a Godsend."

Randall Terry (Operation Rescue): "I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over. I want you to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good...Our goal is a Christian nation. We have a biblical duty; we are called by God to conquer this country. We don't want equal time. We don't want pluralism."

Also: "When I, or people like me, are running the country, you'd better flee, because we will find you, we will try you, and we'll execute you. I mean every word of it. I will make it part of my mission to see to it that they are tried and executed."*

Robert T. Lee (Society for the Practical Establishment of the Ten Commandments): Democracy originated in the mind of a rational being who has the deepest hatred for God." "Do you realize that the only thing that gives democracy existence is sin? The absence of democracy is perfect obedience to god."

Star Parker (Coalition on Urban Renewal & Education): "Anybody that believes in separation of church and state needs to leave right now."

Joseph Morecraft (Chalcedon Presbyterian Church): "Nobody has the right to worship on this planet any other God than Jehovah. And therefore the state does not have the responsibility to defend anybody's pseudo-right to worship an idol."

Jerry Falwell: "If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."

J. B. Stoner (White Supremacist): "We had lost the fight for the preservation of the white race until God himself intervened in earthly affairs with AIDS to rescue and preserve the white race that he had created.... I praise God all the time for AIDS."

"AIDS is a racial disease of Jews and Niggers, and fortunately it is wiping out the queers. I guess God hates queers for several reasons. There is one big reason to be against queers and that is because every time some white boy is seduced by a queer into becoming a queer, means his white bloodline has run out."

It’s even scarier when politicians make religious wacko quotes.

George Bush Sr. (President of the United States): "I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God."

Ronald Reagan (President of the United States): "For the first time ever, everything is in place for the Battle of Armageddon and the Second Coming of Christ."

We survived Reagan,two Bushes and the will of the above Christian wackos and I'm suppose to fear Obama because his middle name is Hussein?

Jesus H. (Hussein) Christ what is wrong with that nut case Joe the dumb plumber? More on that tomorrow.

America owns Jesus. Bad religion sing:American Jesus

Jesse James sings Dear Jesus:Dear Jesus

Heaven is Not Segregated

If we can get on You Tube and view videos filled with racial hate by white trash Americans aimed at Obama don’t you think the rest of the world can? Don’t you think bin Laden can easily show these videos of American racists for the purpose of recruiting terrorists? These recruited terrorists will hate the white trash Americans for hating anyone who isn’t white and Christian. The Arab terrorists will figure if these Americans in the videos hate their own countrymen for not being white Christian they are certainly no people you’d want to be setting foot on your soil. So as you can see hate is a vicious circle.

The thing is some of these foreign countries think all Americans are like the racist Americans you see in these videos. I am not calling for a ban on videos showing these racists against the Obama campaign. I don’t believe in censoring the media. I’m for calling these racists UN-AMERICAN. They want to label anyone who doesn’t think like them un-American but the truth is people preaching racism are more than un-American they are terrorists.

I am ashamed to live in a country with folks like the ones in these videos. They call themselves Christians but they make as much of a mockery of the bible as Al-Qaeda does of the Koran.

See what I mean by these subhumans in Ohio: racists

A guy in a Confederate hat who’s not a racist? Las Vegas racists

More Vegas: racists

Then you’ve got racists in the media: racist media

Racists in PA: Pa racists

A racist biker shows he has brain damage after a wreck not wearing a helmet. How else would you explain this T-shirt: racist biker

Millions listen to this racist everyday: radio racist

Listening to racists like Rush and Hannity leads folks to this: assasins

Nietzsche said, "The last Christian died on the cross." There are lots of Christians about that prove him right.

Eliza Gilkyson sings about the Man of God: Man of
God

Cure for racism and hate: cure

Sing it Bob! Redemption Songs

If Obama gets elected we will show the world the majority of Americans are not racists! We are all brothers and sisters no matter race or religion!

Of Holy Books to Rick

I got up this morning with every intention of going to a memorial at YSU's Planetarium for Rick Perko. The arthritis in my back, knee and bursitus in my hip had other plans for me. By afternoon I was able to try and speed limp out to the mailbox. I was rewarded with my monthly invite to join AARP and a free copy of, "Arthritis Today." Nothing like kicking a guy when he's down and adding insult to injury.

Since I didn't make it to YSU I'd like to say this about Rick:

I got to know Rick Perko as a fellow member of the Valley Co-alition of Peace and Justice. I enjoyed talking to Rick while we held signs at Friday afternoon protests against the Iraq war. I remember reading a Letter to the Editor of the Jambar Rick had written. I discussed it with him while protesting telling him how much I liked what he had written.

This to YSU’s Jambar 2/10/05: Jambar letter

Digging up that letter I note how Rick was sure right about where the Bush economy was headed. I laughed aloud when I read, "I hoard my Canadian Quarters."

I’m Rick’s age and only wish that I had been able to accomplish half as mush at Rick did in his lifetime.

Being a religious skeptic like Rick and hearing the story of him removing bibles from hotel rooms I'm posting this poem (posted here as an article to save space) I wrote some time ago. I hope he would have liked it:

Of Holy Books

Christians are portraying Moslems who follow their holy book, the Koran as intolerant murderers, criminals and terrorists. Some Christians are saying, atrocities such as the attack on 9/11 can easily be attributed to the prophet Mohammed and the god, Allah. They point out Koran verses that preach hate like the following: "Don’t associate with those of other faiths." "Don’t receive them into you home or even exchange greetings with them." Others who don’t share your beliefs have an "evil heart."

It gets even more intolerant when you read; "God destroys those who don’t believe in him." When the god in this supposed "Holy Book" isn’t killing someone, which he seems to do on many pages, he is ordering his followers to kill any friends or family that worships a god different than him. He says to kill them in their very own church. He orders, "Kill all inhabitants of any city where people worship different than you." There are holy verses that call for the elimination of entire ethnic groups including women, children, animals and even trees. He tells his followers to, hide along the road wait for women and then kidnap, rape and marry them. This god tells his followers you are "of God" and everyone else is wicked.

You best believe there’s a lot to fear from this faith when you read, "Everyone will have to worship the prophet---whether they want to or not." They place themselves above all laws by the verse, "A follower cannot be accused of any wrongdoing." I’ve only scratched the surface of the hate and evil deeds in this so called, "Holy Book."
Knowing that their faith could crumble if it were to under go any free and critical thinking, this prophet tells his followers to avoid philosophy. That just proves that ignorance is bliss.

Surely this hate-filled book should never be in a library. It should also never be allowed in a school. Banning it is just not enough. All copies of it need to be immediately burned. If I were a politician who espoused "family values," I’d strike the first match. Clerics of every religion should be calling for a funeral pyre of this unholy book. It’s little wonder that its followers’ fight constant wars and justify them.

I did extensive research that buried my desk in a pyramid of paper to write this poem. Gathering so much info can get confusing. That’s my excuse because I have just realized, oops, my bad, the aforementioned verses are really from the Bible’s Old and New Testaments, instead of the Koran. All holy books tend to have some type of the hate filled quotes from above in them. Such statements taint any good that can be found in these books. We need to know what’s in our own back yard before we ask our neighbors to clean their back yard. Building fences between our neighbors is surely no way to build a better neighborhood.

Peace to you Rick.

Do-rags, Frisbees, Dogs, Sickos and Wall Street

On my way to work today I did not notice the bikers I have seen hanging out at the Waffle House. I have noticed them the last three Wednesdays. There are about a dozen wearing $600 leather jackets. They are all on new $20,000 plus full dresser Harley Davidson’s. That’s a lot for a cycle when we have a limited about of season to ride one. I was thinking who are these bikers with so much money who don’t seem to be working on Wednesdays? I then realized that’s the day doctors and dentists have off. That’s who riding these expensive toys as no one else can afford them. A pack of these medical guys have gotten together with their golf buddies and are making a morning stop to get an All-Star Special breakfast.

Now don’t get me wrong I don’t begrudge a doctor or dentist owning an expensive motorcycle. I like my doctor and dentist they're first class guys and deserve the money they make. What I object to is something else I noticed about these medical outlaws. What I was horrified to see was that these guys were either wearing do-rags or bandanas. Bandanas and do rags make horrible helmets and doctors should be smart enough to wear helmets. That doesn’t even bother me so much as what a stupid fashion statement do-rags and bandanas are.

I grew up in the late 60’s and early 70's and have seen more than my fair share of bandanas and these do-rags are just the newest extension of that tacky fashion. Ever see those guys throwing their dog a Frisbee in the park? Odds are their dog, a golden retriever or spaniel will have a blue or red bandana hung in a triangle cowboy kerchief style around the dog’s neck. I overdosed on seeing that in the 70’s. If I ever see that on a dog again I will call the ASPCA and report the dog’s owner for being cruel to animals.

Here’s a sicko site selling dog bandanas: sicko site

Look at this photo and tell me your heart doesn’t weep at what they have done to this poor defenseless animal: sad pooch

If I accomplish nothing in life I at least want put on my tombstone, "He accomplished nothing but at least he never wore a bandana (or do-rag)."


What I really admire about bikers is something we can all learn from them. That is the fact when Ohio passed helmet laws for motorcyclists the cyclist marched on Columbus. They organized with other states in ABATE (American Bikers Aimed Toward Education). ABATE is a freedom of choice organization, dedicated to the premise that the individual is best suited to decide the type of motorcycle to ride, the type of safety gear to wear, and their own personal lifestyle. ABATE monitors legislative activity in regard to laws affecting motorcyclists, especially those designed to limit freedom of choice, and to encourage all members to become politically involved in order to effect positive legislation. Through demonstrations, public forums, writing letters and meeting elected representatives, ABATE members have the opportunity to present their side of the issues and educate governmental leaders about the needs of Ohio motorcyclists.

Where the Hell is the organization to represent the working-class and organize us to fight for our rights? It sure isn't our unions who have become "cops for the boss"' as they negotiate concessionary contracts that give away our pensions, health care and lower our wages. The unions call themselves International but did nothing to raise wages around the world. Had they helped bring up the standards of workers around the world corporations would not of had sweatshop nations to set up shop in. Instead workers around the world are competing in a race to the bottom in wages and working conditions.


Where was the organization representing workers who for the most part didn't want our tax dollars going to bailout Wall Street? Anyone believe our congressmen and senators had our opinions or interests ahead of Wall Streets? Do you think either of our two parties truly represent you? Aren't our politicians today pretty much the type we fought a revolution to get rid of? If socialism is the answer for Wall Street why is it treated like a boogieman when it comes to solving the problems on Main Street? So many questions so little lifetime left.

I am reminded of a poem I wrote years ago when I rhymed things more than I do today. It explains how business is run in America today. Reading it today I am reminded of how much money the taxpayers are giving WalMart to locate in Liberty Ohio.

Business In America

The politician promises all a job, job, job
then it’s off to the country club to hob-nob.

These are the people he must please,
the same ones who send jobs overseas.

He’s got a business to locate in his district,
of course, they have demands that are strict.

They’ll need tax abatements and low interest loans,
local officials will bow at their thrones.

New offices with computers and faxes,
all paid for by the little folks’ taxes.

Have their loan ready on the specified date
or they’ll move to your neighboring state.

When the abatement is up, they’ll need a renewal,
see the stock markets been a bear not a bull.

This is the way business is you see
in a capitalistic economy.

The Oakland Stage Review and Asshole Magnets

The Mac (my daughter) went with a friend to see Hillary Clinton at YSU. She described Hillary as, "A babe." Like Michael Moore I have also thought that about Hillary. Like Michael I also tend to be disappointed in the Clintons as being, Republican lite. Mac waited about two hours to get into Beegly Center and another hour inside. She got an up front spot but had late comers pushing her out of the way. One woman claimed she just needed to get by to get a picture for her child but then of course stayed in front of Mac. Hey ignorant people go to a Palin rally. I’m afraid when Mac attends things she has inherited a tendency that her pop has. That is my tendency to be surrounded by assholes. I refer to it as being an "asshole magnet." More on that later.

I went the Oakland Center of the Arts Thursday night for their monthly "Stage" event. The event is an open stage that really shows what a lot of talent our area has. This is my review.

The stage has a great solidarity between audience members and performers. The audience comes for some entertainment to relax after a day of stemming the tsunami of incompetants that are known as our employers. Since this is Saturday and the Stage was Thursday and I didn’t take notes I’m not sure how well this review will go. I have an idea. Let me get in my way back machine. I’ll set the dial for Thursday Oct.16 2008 8 pm. And...

And our first act is: a small preview of next weekend’s opening of Night of the Living Dead, based on George Romero’s cult film classic adapted by Morton Grisly. I note some of the zombies are wearing sport jackets as if eating brains was a formal dinner event. I am thinking how zombies are rather grouchy looking and walk rather lazily and seem empty headed. In other words these guys are management material. Ever notice how the humans in Romero’s movies always run out of gas in Zombie Land? In 1968 when Romero made, "Night of the Living Dead" gas was only 23 cents a gallon so there was no legitimate reason to run out of gas. With gas now over $3 a gallon I can understand driving around on gas fumes.

Zombies are brainless walking corpses who do nothing for others and stagger around the planet getting in the way of the working man who does the real work. Given that and the fact zombies are in an endless search for brains it there for goes without saying they are Republicans. We all now know that a "compassionate conservative" is just a smiling zombie cannibal. Zombies always seem to be around rural cemeteries and farms in the movies. Funny thing is I tend to think of zombie’s as being from "Bored Man" Ohio or "Howl Land" OH.

Being 100% Irish I suspect all zombies are English. Those guys love kidneys, liver and all that organ meat crap. Truth is I’d try brains before I’d ever eat sweet potatoes, beets or olives. I have heard brains are brain food. The brain even raw is tender, juicy, and chocked full of all the neurotransmitters a bloodthirsty zombie could want. Frontal lobes cooked in a crock pot set on low with a can of cream of corpse soup, some femur bones and a couple of phalanges cooked for eight hours is particularly tender, making for an excellent roast, or so I’m told. Is your mouth watering yet? Girl zombies it makes for an excellent meal when hubby zombie says his boss zombie is coming for dinner. A meal like that and hubby will get promoted to cemetery manager in no time. Sad to say zombies are not anarchists or I’d be one already. They have bosses just like us regular folks so Hell is indeed universal.

To protect yourself from zombies keep your hair short and wear tight clothes and keep the Edsels gas tank on full. The zombies we daily have to fear are football fans, greedy consumers and capitalist that want all of the worlds natural resources. They usually meet at Wal-Mart and Sams Club so burn down any in your area.

I liked the scene I saw from Night of the Living Dead and was thinking it would make a cool musical. I of course would love to come to the Oakland to see the play but my ass is always to broke to go anywhere. At my age my back goes out more than I do. As a labor activist I was glad to hear the zombies in the play are union workers from local 666, International Brotherhood of the Undead. What do zombies do when they’re not ripping open people's heads? I suspect watching FOX NEWS or listening to Rush. Zombie ditto heads now I know his audience.

In the middle of the zombie production a guy sits down behind me and kicks my seat back causing my spine to paralyze me. Damn I hope those zombies don’t come out in the audience as I won’t be able to run. Shit on top of that I just remembered my Pinto is almost out of gas. This SOB (does not stand for sweet ole boy) who kicked my seat is mumbling something. I hear, "Shit my ex mother-in-law is scarier than these so called, zombies."

I now feel everything is normal because I know my asshole magnet is working. Why should today’s outing be different than any other time I leave the house? Change is bad except when concerning diapers. This burden is my Dark Ages. Which reminds me of a joke. Why were the Dark Ages dark? They had to many Knights. My tormenter has arrived let the evenings entertainment begin.

Next performer is Shay who is playing a bass guitar and singing. Her first song is the "Hierarchy of Unintentional Homicide" a love song. She does another funny original song and a Police cover of "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic." I agree she is magical in a 1920’s button mouthed Kewpie doll voice kind of way. I mean that in the best way, as she’s cute, funny and talented. I hear my asshole magnet, I’ll call him, "Joe the Dumber" say, "I got a magic trick I’d like to show you." I turn around and give him a stare and he looks behind him as if someone else said that.

Next is Rebecca who I met last month when she was reading some funny/touching short stories. Tonight she is doing stand-up comedy. She says it’s the first time she has done this and I never would have believed her. Comedy is hard to do and I admire her for the great job she has done. I hardly recognized her as her hair is standing up in a 1920’s Kewpie Doll sort of way that really works on her. I hadn’t realized I said that out loud until I heard Joe the Dumber say, "1920’s I got a roaring 20's good time for her I hope she’s not untouchable." I again give him a stare. I'm generally a peace nick but I am tempted to stray from the path and give Joe a little Damnation Alley.

Next performers Emma and Natalia who are dancers from the nutcracker. They do an interpretative dance to music from Alfred Hitchcock’s film, Psycho. Using that as a dance music choice shows you why the Oakland is the Avant-garde place to be. Which reminds me when I was younger I wanted to be a budding visionary of the Avant-garde sadly no one was hiring. I hear Joe the Dumber behind me clearing his throat and I turn to stare at him before he makes another rude comment. I liked the performance but what do I know about ballet? The one time I took my wife to see ballet at Powers Auditorium my asshole magnet was working strong. Who did our assigned seats have us sit behind but two WWF wrestlers. It was big John Stud and Andre the Giant. Two guys both way over seven feet tall. Worse than that is they were in wrestling tights and smelled like they just came from a Death Cage tag team match.

Kerri the poet is up next. I saw her last month like I did Rebecca and I also didn’t recognize her. She is all dolled up to the max looking hot in a 1920’s flapper girl kind of way. She’s the bee’s knees. Shit, I must be having a past life experience about the 1920’s. Kerri is not only sexy so are her poems. The last female poet I fell in love with was punk poet Patti Smith. I met Patti in my Punk Rock days on a trip to NYC in the 1920’s (I mean 1977) at CBGB’s. In the club were Joey Ramone and Handsome Dick Manitoba (former wrestler) and singer for The Dictators. Outside the club I spoke to Patti telling her I was from Youngstown. She was hailing a cab and asked me where my car was parked. I said in front of Max’s Kansas City (another punk club). She got in her cab and asked my friend and I if we wanted a ride back to my car. I said, “No but thanks.” I kicked my own ass as my friend and I walked the 9,000 blocks back to my car. But I digress. Kerri is reading another sexy poem that makes me wonder if she’d give me a ride to my car, which is half a block away. Of course at my age I could pretend I don’t know where I parked. She’s reading another sexy poem and I’m thinking I have to take my jacket off as it’s getting hot in here. Third floor and all I suppose.

I snap back to reality and remember I’m happily married. My wife refuses to attend events with me though because of my asshole magnetic power. The last time we went to a Drive-In movie we arrived late to find there was only one parking spot left. It ended up being behind a Monster Truck. My wife gave me a stare to melt steel. How was I supposed to know it was Monster Truck Convention Night?

Speaking of assholes I hear Joe the Dumber mumbling something. While listening to Kerri he is muttering, "Baby beat me, hurt me, and make me write bad checks." This time I refuse to turn around and look at Joe the Dumber. I do make a mental note to never sit in that seat when I come to the Oakland. Dam that’s right I’m at the Oakland why the Hell for a minute there did I think I was at the Foster Art Theater? Did I say I liked Kerri’s poetry? Well, duh does Brittany Spears drive drunk with her kids in the car without them in seatbelts? Ya you betcha I liked Kerri as Alaska’s Barbie Bot Bible Spice would say! Kerri gives poets a good name. There is so much bad poetry out there (usually the published and academic turd kind) that saying, "I’m a poet" was as dangerous as telling a Pilgrim minister you were a witch. Kerri helps make the world safer for other poets. The Pilgrims came saw and conquered. In Kerri’s poems she is saying, "I came, I came, I came." And the audience is applauding saying, "I like them, I like them."

Brooke the MC I note looks like a younger Sarah Palin only with brains, talent, humor, warmness, charm, etc. etc. I peg her as a girl attractive enough to be some 1920’s gangsters moll. Brooke is making a joke about having large breasts. I hear Joe the Dumber say, "That’s a major padded bra from Elmo’s." I turn around and Joe looks at me and sheepishly says, "I’m just saying I’d have to see dem in da raw to know fer sure." I turn my back on him and hear, "It never fails girls with breast that large usually get allergic reactions to nipple clamps." Shit I think why me lord.

Robert Dennick Joki was next and what a great singer he is. He reminds me of Italian opera singer Enrico Caruso who died in 1921. I have a faint recollection of hearing Enrico at The Chicago Opera House in 1920. I remember some asshole singing off key behind me so I must have had my asshole magnet on. I turned around and said, "Hey numbskull knock it off." I said that about the same time I recognized the guy as Alfons Capone. Funny I don’t remember leaving that place alive. But I digress. I wish I could sing like RDJ. If I could I would never talk again. I would just turn every aspect of my life into a musical. I suspect if I went to that extreme I would live about two days before someone would kill me to a standing ovation.

Also performing were Ric Panning and Matt Liller with a comedy sketch about the current financial crisis. Anything that has me laughing about how stupid capitalism is instead of the capitalist system laughing at my broke ass is a major hoot. This skit involved one participant down on his knees serving the powers that be and that is a perfect analogy of what’s happening to the working-class today. Great work comrades! At one point when one of the guys was on his knees I heard Joe the Dumber say what I think was "Baguette" I thought to myself I like Baguettes how nice of Brooke and the folks at the Oakland to set out food. I got to get me one of those!

Rocco did a singing/poetry piece that was interesting. One of the zombies Chazz Sutton sang a few songs with some being originals. I don’t know if the microphone was at the right angle as I couldn’t catch all of the words but enjoyed them anyway. Neither performer reminded me of anything from the 1920’s though.

I can’t forget to mention Stage regular Don. Don proved his undying love for the Oakland in an original love song about the Oakland that was great! Don has told me he likes my poetry so I think Don’s a big-hearted guy. Don sings like the late great Nat king Cole or is it the late great Old King Cole? Anyway Don is a merry old soul who makes me smile and that comrades ain’t easy.

Tim Malone read two poems from writers who wrote about Pearl Harbor as they experienced it. I was thinking about 9/11 when he was reading. I admired how Tim saw the spookiness in the horror of Pearl Harbor and thought it fitting for a Halloween reading.

The only thing I’ve left out is the poetry antics of my pal Jim Jordan. I have caught all of the occasions Jim had read for the last decade but one. Interesting enough Jim tells me that’s the one I should have really caught. To hear him tell it he was asked by Bono to open for U2 at the Cleveland Stadium. Seems Jim was so well received he got standing ovation, dived into the crowd and was crowd surfed around for an hour. Jim tells me Bono is setting some of Jim’s poems to music for his next album. Damn if I don’t always miss the great events.

About this time Crissy who is sitting next to me live blogging gets a strange look on her face gets up and runs to the bathroom. That was close as I noticed she was drinking some hooch or giggle water as we said in the 20’s. If she’d of heaved on me it would have made me a double asshole magnet for the night. That usually only happens to me on special occasions like my wedding or my birthday. As far as an asshole vomiting on me I’d have to go back to 2004 when Senator Kerry was running for president. I was in Kent Oh. at an event featuring Michael Moore supporting Kerry. A drunk and stoned girl behind me with a Bush sucks sign threw up on my shoulder. Two guys in dark suits wearing shades and earphones hauled her out as I was wiping my shirt with her long hair. Turns out my asshole magnet that night was Jenna Bush. Ever notice the name Bush has a B and an S in it?

Jim Jordan takes the stage but is having a hard time reading as he broke his eyeglasses today. He is reading a poem called, "Swift boating God." Beings as Jim’s dyslexic and not wearing his glasses I suspect it really is, "Swift boating Dog." The thing I like about Jim’s poems is he laughs at the fact that there is nothing left to laugh at anymore. I could write books about how talented this guy is but he’s too modest to let me print such things. When I attend talent events and a poet comes on I say, "Oh no it's the poetry train and I ain't riding." Jim has taught me that poetry can be fun, insightful and palatable. Speaking of palatable where are those baguettes?

On the way out I noted Joe the Dumber was hitting on Kerri. But as they said in the 20’s he saw, she saw, she shot. Good I won’t have to encounter him next month at the Stage. That was a heck of a show for $5. You should find out what you’re missing. As we said in the 20’s it’s the cat’s pajamas.